I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
