textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
4 words: hood of his car
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize