you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Two words: blizzard sex
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize