he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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