I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
