Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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