Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
