There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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