I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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