he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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