Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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