that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
