I only kidnapped one of them. chill
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
