i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
