I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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