we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
