why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
