I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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