I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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