so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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