When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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