6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
