i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
