I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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