dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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