hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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