I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
