Why are handjobs necessary in class?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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