dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
