Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
