can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
