either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
