FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
