I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
