I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
