that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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