Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
