Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
