Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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