Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
