You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
