Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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