Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
