New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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