After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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