hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Randomize
