yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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