So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
