Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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