Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
