Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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