are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
