im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
