You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
