im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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