clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
