I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
