to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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