I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
