I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
