Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I will pee on everything he values.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
