Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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