Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
