she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
