Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
