You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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