Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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