Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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