why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
