Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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