Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
